BACH SO NOT A
Today’s sliced tongue tip for avoiding social awkwardness.
If a 23-year old tells you she’s going to San Jose on vacation, do not respond as follows:
“Yeah, but do you know the way to San Jose?”
Because, really, it’s pretty much crickets and tumbleweed from there on in…
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
JU D'OH!
It was nice that Zhang Yimou let the writers from The Simpsons script the intro to London as the next host city during the closing ceremonies.
They had a double-decker bus morph into some teletubbyish terrain, out of which popped Leona Lewis to mime along while Jimmy Page pretended to play Whole Lotta Love. David Beckham stood awkwardly on a platform opposite them, and then launched a football into the crowd.
Hilarious.
The only thing that could've topped it would have been if the football had beheaded an unsuspecting Madonna, rather than simply landing in a pit of Japanese volunteers.
But we all know The Simpsons is not as sharp as it was once...
It was nice that Zhang Yimou let the writers from The Simpsons script the intro to London as the next host city during the closing ceremonies.
They had a double-decker bus morph into some teletubbyish terrain, out of which popped Leona Lewis to mime along while Jimmy Page pretended to play Whole Lotta Love. David Beckham stood awkwardly on a platform opposite them, and then launched a football into the crowd.
Hilarious.
The only thing that could've topped it would have been if the football had beheaded an unsuspecting Madonna, rather than simply landing in a pit of Japanese volunteers.
But we all know The Simpsons is not as sharp as it was once...
Friday, August 22, 2008
MERELY PLAYAS
I think I might be starting to like The Stage Names.
I didn’t give it much of a chance when it first came out. Liked the first track, then everything went meh. “Okkervil River,” said I, “Take yer emotistical song titles and overwrought vocals and stow ‘em in the overhead.”
But last night I was listening to Plus Ones, and damned if it isn’t cool, clever, and catchy. It’s all about the 97th tear, the 100th luftballoon, the 8 Chinese brothers, the 9 miles high, the TVC16, the cell 45, the 51st way to leave your lover, the 4 times a lady, and the 17 candles.
And I’m all about the 2nd chance…
I think I might be starting to like The Stage Names.
I didn’t give it much of a chance when it first came out. Liked the first track, then everything went meh. “Okkervil River,” said I, “Take yer emotistical song titles and overwrought vocals and stow ‘em in the overhead.”
But last night I was listening to Plus Ones, and damned if it isn’t cool, clever, and catchy. It’s all about the 97th tear, the 100th luftballoon, the 8 Chinese brothers, the 9 miles high, the TVC16, the cell 45, the 51st way to leave your lover, the 4 times a lady, and the 17 candles.
And I’m all about the 2nd chance…
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
SOME KINDA LOVE
Every so often a phrase of such grace and utility presents itself that you wonder how you ever lived a conversational life without it.
I met one such phrase today, courtesy of a friend making a passing remark about the town in which I live: “I've been kayaking on your lake.”
Genius. Gen-i-us.
Say it with a slight leer and it drips with innuendo: “Well babe, I've been kayaking on your lake, and it sure is nice.”
Say it with remorse when you've been sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, and it is the perfect apology: “I realize I've been kayaking on your lake, and I'm sorry.”
These are just the two uses I uncovered today, during my first 12 hours or so of exposure. I expect that the possibilities are endless...
Every so often a phrase of such grace and utility presents itself that you wonder how you ever lived a conversational life without it.
I met one such phrase today, courtesy of a friend making a passing remark about the town in which I live: “I've been kayaking on your lake.”
Genius. Gen-i-us.
Say it with a slight leer and it drips with innuendo: “Well babe, I've been kayaking on your lake, and it sure is nice.”
Say it with remorse when you've been sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, and it is the perfect apology: “I realize I've been kayaking on your lake, and I'm sorry.”
These are just the two uses I uncovered today, during my first 12 hours or so of exposure. I expect that the possibilities are endless...
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
ST. JOE STRUMMER
Some random thoughts on last night's Hold Steady show:
-Dear The Loved Ones,
Give the bass player a cookie.
Yours,
st
-The Hold Steady were not nearly as puppy-dog eager to please as they were last year, and the better for it.
-If my eyes/ears did not deceive me, I think there was an actual bona fide encore last night. As in, the crowd refused to leave after the air-quotes encore, and the band came back from wherever it is bands go when the show is over, to play one more song.
-Yeah, Craig Finn can turn a phrase, but brain coral's brother gets credit for the quote of the night, in reference to the Maryland Zoo in Baltimore: “They gots a baby elephant.”
Some random thoughts on last night's Hold Steady show:
-Dear The Loved Ones,
Give the bass player a cookie.
Yours,
st
-The Hold Steady were not nearly as puppy-dog eager to please as they were last year, and the better for it.
-If my eyes/ears did not deceive me, I think there was an actual bona fide encore last night. As in, the crowd refused to leave after the air-quotes encore, and the band came back from wherever it is bands go when the show is over, to play one more song.
-Yeah, Craig Finn can turn a phrase, but brain coral's brother gets credit for the quote of the night, in reference to the Maryland Zoo in Baltimore: “They gots a baby elephant.”
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
PROTEST ANT
Visited my brother while I was on vacation in NY this past weekend...
Waspish
What font is that?
1961-1994.
The gray-flecked stone
Looks like dirty soap
inscribed
Ivory or Dove.
I lean in to take a picture
With my cell-phone camera:
The name of my brother.
From under the lip
Of the monument
A wasp appears,
Pushing
me
away...
Visited my brother while I was on vacation in NY this past weekend...
Waspish
What font is that?
1961-1994.
The gray-flecked stone
Looks like dirty soap
inscribed
Ivory or Dove.
I lean in to take a picture
With my cell-phone camera:
The name of my brother.
From under the lip
Of the monument
A wasp appears,
Pushing
me
away...
Friday, August 08, 2008
VIRGINIA HAM
For some time now, this li'l music/memoir site has been the first hit if you google the phrase “sliced tongue.”
In your face, Zabar's!
So, in case you have stumbled upon the site accidentally, I should mention that I do have six or seven years of back-in-the-day experience handling deli meats. Which means that if I ever compare, say, Fleet Foxes to head cheese or Conor Oberst to olive loaf, I am uniquely qualified to do so.
sliced tongue: Come for the cold cuts, stay for the hot rock.
For some time now, this li'l music/memoir site has been the first hit if you google the phrase “sliced tongue.”
In your face, Zabar's!
So, in case you have stumbled upon the site accidentally, I should mention that I do have six or seven years of back-in-the-day experience handling deli meats. Which means that if I ever compare, say, Fleet Foxes to head cheese or Conor Oberst to olive loaf, I am uniquely qualified to do so.
sliced tongue: Come for the cold cuts, stay for the hot rock.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
TUSH
The kids wanted something to drink.
We had the hatch lifted on the Odyssey, and there was half a case of water pushed up against the back of the second-row seats. Taeko slipped off her sandals and climbed onto the bed of the minivan.
She stretched over two bicycles and reached for the bottles. I watched her jeans bend and flex, and I marked every fold in the fabric.
As she backed out, she poked her left foot toward the pavement, searching for its sandal. She then looked down and noticed it was overturned in a small puddle.
“Ahhh! My sandal! Why weren't you watching?”
“Um, I was busy looking at your butt.”
“You don't need to look at my butt. You should have been looking at my sandals!”
“Hello,” I said, extending my hand in greeting. “I am a man. Perhaps you've never met one of us before...”
The kids wanted something to drink.
We had the hatch lifted on the Odyssey, and there was half a case of water pushed up against the back of the second-row seats. Taeko slipped off her sandals and climbed onto the bed of the minivan.
She stretched over two bicycles and reached for the bottles. I watched her jeans bend and flex, and I marked every fold in the fabric.
As she backed out, she poked her left foot toward the pavement, searching for its sandal. She then looked down and noticed it was overturned in a small puddle.
“Ahhh! My sandal! Why weren't you watching?”
“Um, I was busy looking at your butt.”
“You don't need to look at my butt. You should have been looking at my sandals!”
“Hello,” I said, extending my hand in greeting. “I am a man. Perhaps you've never met one of us before...”
Monday, August 04, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)