EVERYBODY'S COMING DOWN

If you are a Mets’ fan to your core, you knew it had to end like this.

You knew that your team needed to say goodbye to Shea in a game that would see them dismiss the playoffs from their schedule on the final day of the season, for the second year running.

You knew the weather would be cloudy, and that the sun would break through, and you knew that it would rain.

I knew, because I learned a lot from Shea Stadium.

I learned early about the intimacy of failure.

I learned that men will fight like lions for meaningless things.

I learned that those same men will piss in the sink rather than wait for an available stall.

So farewell, Shea Stadium, you old son of a bitch. Farewell.

MATRYOSHKA ROCK

OK, apparently Billboard still has a top 100 singles chart.

And what's more, Paper Planes by M.I.A. is currently number 4 on that chart. It’s a wonderful song, and I’m happy for it. Plus, it’s built around a sample from Straight to Hell, so more cash for The Clash, which is good.

But it gets even better. The number 5 song is Swagga Like Us by Jay Z & T.I. Featuring Kanye West and Lil Wayne, which is built around—wait for it— a sample from Paper Planes. And I assume this somehow means even more money for The Clash.

Well, I’m pleased to announce that I’m working on a new project with Jay Z, T.I., Kanye West, Lil Wayne, Ne-Yo, T-Pain, Flo Rida, and Akon. It’s called “Uz” and it’s built around a sample from Swagga Like Us by Jay Z & T.I. Featuring Kanye West and Lil Wayne.

Because dammit man, The Clash must get paid…

BY AND BY

Dialogue from a fall festival:

“Where’s Lana?” I ask.

“Over there. They’re looking at the goat.” Taeko is ready to leave.

Six kids are sitting in a circle surrounding a very mellow goat, which is ignoring the empty wafer cones being shoved under its nose, and doing its goat-damnedest to sleep.

“Come on, Lana—it’s time to go.”

Six kids dissolve the circle in a slow wave.

“Aw, man, you broke up the goat circle.” I sound disappointed.

“What’s a goat circle?”

“It’s when you sit around in a circle and there’s a goat in the middle.”

“Is that a thing?”

“Um, yeah, it’s a thing. Goat circle? Hello?”

We Capricorns are a particular lot…

OH CANADA

This is the current greatest song ever.

My family came home tonight and found me dancing round the living room to it. Oops-- I forgot the quotes: "dancing."

Sing along now: "I spent the winter on the verge of a total breakdown/While living in Norway..."

INITIAL IT WITH LOVING CARE

I signed papers yesterday giving Taeko explicit instructions to shoot me in the head if I ever express a desire to have my shirt cuffs monogrammed.

It was a pretty easy decision, really, and I’d recommend that all you men out there designate a loved one to do the same for you.

Because it’s just the right thing to do…

UNDO THE COLLAPSE

Out, vile demons of September, 2007— the power of rap compels thee!

Strangely, George Foster (0:21) is a dead ringer vocally for the Average Homeboy.

Rafael Santana (2:09) though, is a wizard, a true star...

STLYER

There was never no such thing as an ugly Mel Stottlemyre card...

UNTITLED

Seven years...

AIRPORT, YOU'VE GOT A SMILING FACE

Dear Delta Airlines PA Announcer at JFK,

It's pronounced “Del-tah” not “Delter.”

“Delta” is the name of an airline; “Delter” is, I don't know, somebody who delts.

Thanks.

st

NO ALARMS AND NO SURPRISES PLEASE

This is just to say that I'll be continuing a brief hiatus that began last week. I hope to be back and posting in earnest (and in not so earnest, as the situation dictates) within a couple of weeks.

My mom had a stroke last week, and we are working out the details of what comes next.

Peace.