THE REAL ME

"How long are you going to hide behind that nom de blog, sliced tongue?" the good people ask.

Well, good people, herewith is a video of yours truly, wherein I endeavor to instruct you all, by dint of physical example, how to get your fucking ass down in da club.

TOUCHING BY UNDERGROUND WIRES

Have a safe trip, family.

They're only miles...

WE CAN'T EVEN THINK OF A WORD THAT RHYMES

Last day of school for the kids today, so I gathered them on Lana's floor this morning for some nice old-fashioned subversion. Furnier style...

D(U)MB

The Dave Matthews Band have a new album out, and boy howdy, it does not disappoint.

Well, fuck no-- of course I haven't heard it. I'm just referring to the singularly awful title: Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King.

“But dude,” the hemp-stained wretches would protest, “GrooGrux was the nickname of LeRoi Moore, Dave's fallen band bro. Or maybe it was just Groo. Or Grux. Whatever, dude. Wanna hackey?”

No, hemp-stained wretch-- I most certainly do not want to hackey.

Now turn that baseball cap around and throw out those ratty sandals already. You're 35 for god's sake.

We solid?

IF YOU LISTEN CLOSELY

You'd expect Olivia Newton-John's cover of John Denver's Take Me Home, Country Roads to be noxious. And by any reasonable measure it is.

But I'm sitting here listening to it right now. I actually paid 89 cents for the damn thing.

The song plays a central role in Whisper of the Heart, written by Miyazaki, and I defy you to watch the movie and be a hater without reserve.

Context is king, my friends...

LOTTO LOVE

OK, this is always funny. But it's extra funny on a Wednesday.

Definitely not safe for the work, kids...

I DON'T WANNA KNOW YOUR NAME

It's not too often that I'd like to take back a kindness.

But that clanky minivan I let cut in front of me today, the one that turned out to have the TALYO fox-hunting license plate, and a window sticker of a fox head?

I want that fucker back.

NEIGHBORHOOD

Started this week sitting in a wooden rocking chair, looking out at palm trees and feeling tiny fingers of humidity glide across my cheeks. For 5 minutes, I understood the allure of Florida.

Back in NOVA now, where it's been cold and rainy for two days straight.

Back to little obsessions as well, like that brief stretch in Wake Up (from about 1:23 to 1:27: “...colder/And I can...”) where the effects are suddenly removed from Win Butler's vocals.

I like it because it's weird and random, and I can't tell whether it is accident or design.

Kind of like my week, really...

FLO RIDA

My cell phone has a world clock feature. There’s a little animated globe, with throbbing yellow dots indicating key cities.

Asia, for example, includes dots for Tokyo, Seoul, Taipei, Manila, Beijing, Hong Kong, Jakarta, Hanoi, Singapore, Bangkok, Dhaka, Colombo, and New Delhi.

There are 9 cities listed in the Middle East, 12 in Europe.

And 1 in Africa: Cairo. That’s it. According to Verizon, Cairo is the only African city that rates.

You a racist, cell phone.

I’m Orlando bound on business. See you late next week.

As always, fight the power...

FLUSHING SURE BEATS BRUSHING

Back when I bought my first cassette copy of Combat Rock, I was surprised to hear the dialogue from a 2000 Flushes commercial pop up in the middle of Inoculated City.

Well, apparently so were the makers of 2000 Flushes, who didn't want their fine passive toilet-cleaning product associated with The Clash. So the offending section was excised from subsequent releases...

A CROWDED ROOM WHERE EVERYBODY LEAVES TOO SOON

I was writing some document summary or summary document the other day, and I used the phrase "material issue."

Of course, I thought of these guys. Forgot they ended with the singer's suicide...

FLOAT ON

Dear Modest Mouse,

So basically, this is what happened.

I bought The Moon & Antarctica back when. Really liked 3rd Planet, but hoped against hope that the rest of the album was more “The universe is shaped exactly like the earth/If you go straight long enough you end up where you were” than “I've got this thing that I consider my only art of fucking people over.”

Gravity Rides Everything followed, and was probably one of my favorite songs of whatever year that was.

But then by the next song, we were back to “And I'm real damn sure that anyone can, equally easily fuck you over.” And I'm afraid I pretty much cut bait right there. I mean, I might have listened through the rest of the album once or twice, but generally I just stuck with the openers and didn't wade in any farther.

In the end I realize that it wasn't you, it was me. It was needlessly judgmental of me to think that you had an ungenerous view of human nature. I'm like that sometimes, I guess.

Anyway, thanks so much for those two songs.

Peace and regards,

sliced tongue

WEEKEND VAMPIRE

Some weekend wisdom from the kids:

-I walked in on this conversation.
"You don't want to be a pervert, Sebastian."
"What's a pervert, Lana?"
"Someone who likes girls. Toooo much."
I walked out on this conversation.

-We were listening to a mix, and A-Punk came on.
"Why does he do that?" asked Sebastian, after the last 10 seconds or so resolved to silence.
"I... don't know."
And don't pretend you do either, smartass...

THROUGH RESTFUL WATERS

Random drive-home thoughts:

• Top 2 Beach Boys' Songs I Liked When I Was 9 But Didn't Realize at the Time Were Beach Boys' Songs

1. Darlin'
2. Sail On Sailor

• If Neutral Milk Hotel were ever to tour again, I think I'd be stricken with Stendahl syndrome just trying to order the fucking tickets.

• That Maps video was pretty damn sweet...

A KID

This is... sweet.

It's kind of like watching David Byrne eat soft cream or something...

DECLARATION

The person before me at the gas pump this morning rang up a sale of $17.76. So of course, I was obligated to do the same.

Never let it be said that I'm not a patriot.

Oh and by the way. John Adams? Total cock block...

DUCK ON BIKE

Red Kress bitches!

STANDING SULTRY IN THE RAIN

Rip Repulski bitches!

BREAKFAST IN AMERICA

Thornton Kipper bitches!

MISGUIDED BY VOICES

For all this time I’ve considered The Official Ironmen Rally Song to be an elegy to Kurt Cobain, something along the lines of You’re One and Butch by Imperial Teen: a lesser indie god’s conflicted paean to the one who spilled His blood.

Lines like “To die alone/To build a private zone/Or trigger a synapse/And free us from our traps” and “Confirmations through the wire/Spitting gas into the fire/Have I lost a worthy adversary?” seemed to support this.

Well, for some reason I looked up the lyrics online yesterday, and discovered that Robert Pollard actually sings “To dine alone” not “To die alone.” What’s more, where I heard what I thought was a tinge of a fake British accent in “Have I lost a worthy adversary?” is actually a very Ohio “Am I also worthy of a drink?”

It’s still a great song.

Hell, it might still even be about Kurt.

Sometimes it is in ignorance that we are more content…