FLO RIDA

My cell phone has a world clock feature. There’s a little animated globe, with throbbing yellow dots indicating key cities.

Asia, for example, includes dots for Tokyo, Seoul, Taipei, Manila, Beijing, Hong Kong, Jakarta, Hanoi, Singapore, Bangkok, Dhaka, Colombo, and New Delhi.

There are 9 cities listed in the Middle East, 12 in Europe.

And 1 in Africa: Cairo. That’s it. According to Verizon, Cairo is the only African city that rates.

You a racist, cell phone.

I’m Orlando bound on business. See you late next week.

As always, fight the power...

FLUSHING SURE BEATS BRUSHING

Back when I bought my first cassette copy of Combat Rock, I was surprised to hear the dialogue from a 2000 Flushes commercial pop up in the middle of Inoculated City.

Well, apparently so were the makers of 2000 Flushes, who didn't want their fine passive toilet-cleaning product associated with The Clash. So the offending section was excised from subsequent releases...

A CROWDED ROOM WHERE EVERYBODY LEAVES TOO SOON

I was writing some document summary or summary document the other day, and I used the phrase "material issue."

Of course, I thought of these guys. Forgot they ended with the singer's suicide...

FLOAT ON

Dear Modest Mouse,

So basically, this is what happened.

I bought The Moon & Antarctica back when. Really liked 3rd Planet, but hoped against hope that the rest of the album was more “The universe is shaped exactly like the earth/If you go straight long enough you end up where you were” than “I've got this thing that I consider my only art of fucking people over.”

Gravity Rides Everything followed, and was probably one of my favorite songs of whatever year that was.

But then by the next song, we were back to “And I'm real damn sure that anyone can, equally easily fuck you over.” And I'm afraid I pretty much cut bait right there. I mean, I might have listened through the rest of the album once or twice, but generally I just stuck with the openers and didn't wade in any farther.

In the end I realize that it wasn't you, it was me. It was needlessly judgmental of me to think that you had an ungenerous view of human nature. I'm like that sometimes, I guess.

Anyway, thanks so much for those two songs.

Peace and regards,

sliced tongue

WEEKEND VAMPIRE

Some weekend wisdom from the kids:

-I walked in on this conversation.
"You don't want to be a pervert, Sebastian."
"What's a pervert, Lana?"
"Someone who likes girls. Toooo much."
I walked out on this conversation.

-We were listening to a mix, and A-Punk came on.
"Why does he do that?" asked Sebastian, after the last 10 seconds or so resolved to silence.
"I... don't know."
And don't pretend you do either, smartass...

THROUGH RESTFUL WATERS

Random drive-home thoughts:

• Top 2 Beach Boys' Songs I Liked When I Was 9 But Didn't Realize at the Time Were Beach Boys' Songs

1. Darlin'
2. Sail On Sailor

• If Neutral Milk Hotel were ever to tour again, I think I'd be stricken with Stendahl syndrome just trying to order the fucking tickets.

• That Maps video was pretty damn sweet...

A KID

This is... sweet.

It's kind of like watching David Byrne eat soft cream or something...

DECLARATION

The person before me at the gas pump this morning rang up a sale of $17.76. So of course, I was obligated to do the same.

Never let it be said that I'm not a patriot.

Oh and by the way. John Adams? Total cock block...

DUCK ON BIKE

Red Kress bitches!

STANDING SULTRY IN THE RAIN

Rip Repulski bitches!

BREAKFAST IN AMERICA

Thornton Kipper bitches!

MISGUIDED BY VOICES

For all this time I’ve considered The Official Ironmen Rally Song to be an elegy to Kurt Cobain, something along the lines of You’re One and Butch by Imperial Teen: a lesser indie god’s conflicted paean to the one who spilled His blood.

Lines like “To die alone/To build a private zone/Or trigger a synapse/And free us from our traps” and “Confirmations through the wire/Spitting gas into the fire/Have I lost a worthy adversary?” seemed to support this.

Well, for some reason I looked up the lyrics online yesterday, and discovered that Robert Pollard actually sings “To dine alone” not “To die alone.” What’s more, where I heard what I thought was a tinge of a fake British accent in “Have I lost a worthy adversary?” is actually a very Ohio “Am I also worthy of a drink?”

It’s still a great song.

Hell, it might still even be about Kurt.

Sometimes it is in ignorance that we are more content…

LIGHTNING STRUCK ITSELF

Hey 1977, you might not have realized it then, but Aja and Marquee Moon were really hand in glove...

OUT ON THE TILES

I have three letters left on my rack: W, T, and F...

KYZYLPYXM

A couple of weeks back I made a Stereolab mix disc, and named it Mxyplyzyk. It was heavy on the kraut:

Anemie
Escape Pod (From the World of Medical Observations)
French Disko
Heavy Denim
John Cage Bubblegum
Klang Tone
Laissez-Faire
Margerine Rock
Pop Molecule (Molecular Pop 1)
Revox
Stomach Worm
Super-Electric
Transona Five
Transporte Sans Bouger
We're Not Adult Orientated

I figured I'd listen to this for a day or two, but I'm still playing it every day.

All of which says a few things about me.

(1) Stereolab still resonates.
(2) I'm a full-grown natural man, yet I still make mixes.
(3) I name my mixes.

I'm geek like that, bitches...

WOOLLY BULLY

New feature debuting on the tongue: Sliced Tongue Discusses Eight-Year Old Movies That No One Gave a Shit About Even Eight Years Ago.

Today: Bully, directed by Larry Clark.

I think I’ve probably seen this whole movie now, in a few different sittings.

Teen sex, teen drug use, teen anomie, teen creeps? Oh, it's all here baby.

But at it's core the movie is both reactionary and naïve. It confuses bullshit and bravado for biblical truth.

The poor little movie is scared.

And the way it uses gay sex as an easy signifier for deviancy would make proud even the most top-flight bigots...

SHAME SHAME SHAME

• Dietary manipulation: Substituting liquid meal replacements for solid food.

• Nudity: Used to cause psychological discomfort.

• Walling: Slamming detainee into a wall.

• Facial slap: Slapping detainee's face with fingers slightly spread.

• Abdominal slap: Striking the abdomen with the back of an open hand.

• Wall standing: Forcing detainee to stand with feet spread, arms outstretched, fingers resting on the wall, not permitted to move.

• Water dousing: Cold water is poured on detainee.

• Sleep deprivation: Detainee is deprived of sleep for more than 48 hours.

• Waterboarding: Pouring water over face of detainee, who is lying at an angle on his back, head lowered.

To the architects of this mess, I don't think that I can wish upon you anything worse than the rot that has overset your souls already...

CVILLE NO EVIL

Went down to Charlottesville on Monday with my sister and her kids.

We hit Plan 9, and I put a used copy of I Can Hear the Heart Beating as One in my sister's hands. Even offered to pay for it.

I fielded some questions from my 13-year old niece:

“Is The Cure good?”

“Um, sure, sometimes. What do they have?”

She pulled out three used discs: Wish, Wild Mood Swings, and Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me.

I took the first two from her, and put them back in the racks without a word. I handed her Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me.

“This is OK. This'll do.”

She then made the mistake of presenting me with a My Chemical Romance disc, while her mom was within earshot.

“Nah, that's emo. You don't want that. You'll just start piercing crap and wearing black eyeliner.”

My sister caught this part of the conversation and promptly vetoed the purchase. I felt like such an inadvertent bastard.

Next time I'll buy my niece a copy of Hissing Fauna and tell her mom that it's about “nature”...

ASHES TO ASHES

So now that Stereolab have thrown in, what do I find myself reaching for but Sound Dust.

It's kind of a Sean-from-Good-Will-Hunting I-miss-the-smell-of-my-dead-

wife's-fahts thing, I suppose...

DRIVE-IN SUNDAY

Happy (Mitch) Easter, y'all!