ORGANIC ADDICT

I have a new analogy for when something is really common and easy to find: "Like an Obama bumper sticker on a Prius in a Whole Foods parking lot."

As in: "Dang, new-home prices continue to freefall in the face of an ongoing economic collapse. Those things are like an Obama bumper sticker on a Prius in a Whole Foods parking lot at this point."

Haven't had a chance to debut it formally yet, but I'm just biding my time...

FALL ON SLOUGH

Prerecorded Conference Call Dude: Now entering the conference. You are the --- 10th --- caller.

Me: [Pause] Awesome! I'm the 10th caller. Do I win the REO Speedwagon tickets?

Other 9 Callers: [Laughter]

David Brent, bitches! What?

WE'RE DEDICATED TO OUR FAVORITE SHOWS

The kids had a sleepover last night, and this morning I was reporting the day's weather forecast to the whole gang.

-Snow. One to four inches.

-Snow!?

Sebastian was down with it. But Amity was skeptical.

-You can't believe everything you see on TV, you know.

Dang, that is one media-savvy kid right there.

-Because cartoons aren't real.

OK, I still think she's media savvy...

LUCKY NUMBER

Reasons why I'm a suspect father, part 12:

-I don't always correct malaprops if I think they are cute and/or amusing.

So yes, Sebastian's kindergarten teacher, I have had the opportunity to tell him that the machine for performing simple calculations is not called a “conculator.”

But, dammit, I just can't bring myself to do it...

PLEASING PEOPLE IS SO PREDICTABLE

In my dreams, Danielson is Daniel.

I went to college with Daniel. We were both English majors, and we met in an intermediate Spanish class that was eight leagues over our heads.

Daniel wrote ornate and out-of-time poetry with his sister. He had a quick defensive sense of humor, and punctuated perhaps too many conversations with a braying, nasally laugh. He was kind and gentle, and did not have a social clue.

I’ve read enough biographical information to know that Danielson is not actually Daniel.

But in my dreams, Danielson is Daniel…

InAUGURation

America, 1/20/09

LIVING PROOF AT MY FINGERTIPS

Today is our 16th wedding anniversary.

The traditional gift for number 16 is silver holloware.

I… don’t know what that is.

Maybe this will cover it.

I love you, Tae-chan.

WHEN IT'S COLD I'D LIKE TO DIE

OK, Winter. I like you. Honest I do.

But single-digit temperatures? I'm not with that.

Get your shit together, 'K?

A DODGY TRANSFORMER

Dear Santa,
I realize it's a little late, but
All I Want for Christmas is a Dukla Prague Away Kit...

Peace and cookies,
sliced tongue

VENE VIDA VICI

OK, so apparently there's one thing you can't avoid when you're shopping for a new suit: fucking Coldplay.

And Coldplay corrodes my civility-- their middlebrowbeating actually makes me angry. They should really stop doing whatever the hell it is that they're doing exactly.

I still don't have a suit, and I blame them...

OH, THE WATER

Some nights, taking a bath with your six-year old son can feel like an act of pure defiance...

CRACKING MY SWEET LOVE

Things I know about Skeletal Lamping:

-My obsession with Hissing Fauna made it tough for Skeletal Lamping to gain a foothold with me initially. It’s sort of like when Stereolab followed Dots and Loops with Cobra and Phases.
-Like Cobra and Phases, Skeletal Lamping is three or four songs too long. Not sure which ones just yet.
-The fact that I don’t have a set of those mad vinyl stickers on my office wall still baffles me. I stare at empty off-white space each day, and it mocks me. Soon, my Capri Coast OC-87, friend. Soon.
-Taeko says it sounds like David Bowie. She’s convinced I have some latent David Bowie fixation. I swear I don’t. Oh, BTW, Happy Birthday, David Bowie!
-The last two minutes of Nonpareil of Favor is pretty much bliss on a stick.

CENSORED FROM OUR MINDS

One of the albums I downloaded from Amazon was Aftermath.

The American version was my favorite Stones disc when I was 15 or 16, and I’ve always been curious about the UK version.

Back in the 60s, American labels had a nasty habit of altering the track listings of domestic releases by bands like the Beatles and the Stones. They would pull off UK tracks for release as stateside singles, or eventually bundle a bunch of orphaned tracks together to create US-only compilations.

The Beatles loved this practice so much that they resorted to fake dead babies to make a point:



Here are the respective tracklists for the US and UK versions of Aftermath, with original album sides just for kicks:

US version:

Side one
1.Paint It, Black
2.Stupid Girl
3.Lady Jane
4.Under My Thumb
5.Doncha Bother Me
6.Think

Side two
1.Flight 505
2.High and Dry
3.It's Not Easy
4.I Am Waiting
5.Goin' Home

UK version:

Side one
1.Mother's Little Helper
2.Stupid Girl
3.Lady Jane
4.Under My Thumb
5.Doncha Bother Me
6.Goin' Home

Side two
1.Flight 505
2.High and Dry
3.Out of Time
4.It's Not Easy
5.I Am Waiting
6.Take It or Leave It
7.Think
8.What to Do

So the UK version has the US version beat on sheer volume. (Out of Time, Take It or Leave It, and What to Do would later appear on Flowers and More Hot Rocks.)

The US got Paint It, Black (and, yes, the, Stones, were, as, surprised, as, anyone, by, that, interloping, comma) over an alternate mix of Mother’s Little Helper, which I’ll call a wash.

And both the UK and the US got a gobsmacking amount of misogyny. It is truly a thing of wonder to hear Stupid Girl (“She’s the sickest thing in this world…”) turn into Lady Jane (“I pledge my troth to Lady Jane…”), and then end up Under My Thumb (“The way she does just what she’s told…).

Angry much, boys?

My favorite part of the US version has always been the way it ends, with I Am Waiting and Goin’ Home, so the original UK sequencing is going to take some getting used to.

The next Stones album after Aftermath was Between the Buttons, and this was the last time the UK and US releases differed. The UK edition contained Back Street Girl and Please Go Home, which were replaced in the US with the double-sided single tracks, Let’s Spend the Night Together and Ruby Tuesday. (Back Street Girl and Please Go Home ended up on Flowers.)

And thus ends today’s archeological dig…

MP GARDEN

Allow me a brief moment to pimp for one billion-dollar corporation in favor of another and recommend Amazon's MP3 downloads over iTunes.

The selection is pretty first rate, and it appears that all the files are encoded at 256 kbps, as opposed to iTunes' typical 128. (iTunes+ my ass.)

And at least for the moment, they're making an effort to undercut iTunes pricing as well. Last time I checked, you could score the most-recent Cut Copy, M83, Hold Steady, Fleet Foxes, TV On the Radio, Beck, Vampire Weekend, Santogold, and Byrne/Eno for exactly $5 a pop.

Chugalug.