LIGNIN AND CELLULOSE DECAY

I have a 20 lb slab of petrified wood that has evolved into an heirloom.

It was a constant presence in my grandparent's house throughout my childhood, occupying one dark corner or another. When my grandmother passed away, it went to my brother, and spent some years in his dark corners.

When my brother died 11 years ago, I took the petrified wood from his house. I now keep it near the bushes outside my front door-- I figure that given its history, it can bear the elements.

All of which leads to an obvious question: Why the fuck are the Rolling Stones releasing a new CD next month?

Next week on the Tongue: all Stones, all the time...