COMBIEN DU TEMPS?

My apologies, but I’m afraid this “national treasure” thing ends with a whimper, and not a bang.

The way I see it, there are a few groups remaining.

There are the stone-cold locks, who I could not muster either the passion, courage, or time to cover in much detail:

Elvis
Note lack of last name.

Chuck Berry
I am he as you are he as you are me…

James Brown
Get on up.

Beach Boys
I liked them most when Brian was either lying through his teeth or being nakedly honest. One of my top five is I Get Around, in which I suppose he’s doing both.

Then there’s the “sorry, not quite, but thanks for playing” bunch:

Michael Jackson
Damn, there was a time when this was a no brainer. But his second round of massive success helped to make everything attending him massive, including the consuming self-hatred.

Prince
A genius, for sure, and the same temperament that fed the genius probably drew up the blueprints for that Purple Castle of Weird he ended up building.

R.E.M.
Time and distance might one day elevate them off this segment of the list. I hate to play the “If they went away after…” game, but if the whole thing wrapped with Automatic for the People…

The Replacements
My friend brain coral spoke very eloquently the other day about their flameout. But for a brief shining moment they ripped off three or four beauties, and kinda sorta stood for something or another.


And finally, there’s the collection for which I suppose someone could make a case, but not me:

The Grateful Dead
As if the intemperate, interminable, impenetrable noodling was not enough, they encouraged that whole caravan of passive/aggressive stoners to follow them around. Bad trip, mannnn…

Jimi Hendrix
Sorry, technical mastery was never my bag. I know that’s not the alpha and omega of Hendrix, but it’s what sticks...

Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band
My stance on Springsteen has softened over the years, and I do appreciate his integrity and boundless energy. But from his New Dylanisms to his New Depressionisms to his New Working Classicism to his New Whateverism, we just never connected.

Run-D.M.C.
They brought the most important genre of the late 20th Century to the mainstream by cutting it with rock. That I can’t make a case is probably my fault.

Public Enemy
Kind of like The Replacements, but sunk more by self-righteousness than booze. Or, to jump continents, exactly like The Clash.

Aerosmith
They did the burnout/redemption thing well, and were actually kind of amusing at both ends of that spectrum. But treasure needs substance—Aerosmith is a big wooden chest full of paste.