CAN YOU IMAGINE NO LOVE, PRIDE, DEEP-FRIED CHICKEN

Pulse. It’s "the ‘90s and now," though I didn’t hit much “now.”
But man, is there some kind of thesis built into what I got of the 90’s…

Hard to Handle—The Black Crowes
Exhibit A, for example, is an ersatz R&B group who were most convincing when they aped the Stones, rather than when they aped the Stones progenitors. So Remedy, yes; Otis cover, no…

Run-Around—Blues Traveler
One of the many jam-bands that attempted to fill the void left by Jerry’s death. And here’s a parking lot in which to peddle your tie-dyes and hash pipes…

Hey Jealousy—Gin Blossoms
Baby, I’m ersatz again, thought it time I let you in…

Ironic—Alanis Morisette
I suppose I should reserve some manner of awe for such fine and well-cut stupidity. Observe: It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife…

Enjoy the Silence—Depeche Mode
Must you continue to taunt me, satellite radio?

Bad Day—Daniel Powter
Um, is this the snow-white kid in that Lance Henriksen movie? Because it sure sounds like it...

Closing Time—Semisonic
Semiliterate, semimeaningful, semimelodious, semishit, semibland, semicomatose, see my toes, see my nose, see my gin blossoms…

Drops of Jupiter—Train
And if you put Semisonic and Gin Blossoms in a blender and pureed until smooth and pinkish brown, this is the sludge with which you’d fill your ewer. The Wallflowers would be licking their lips waiting for you to pour it into their cups…

It’s pretty impressive how this simultaneously defines the decade and lies through its fucking teeth about it. Grade, for the sake of gumption: A+