BALLS TO YOU BIG DADDY

Dear General Motors,

I appreciate that you’d like to sell me a Cadillac. Heck, I admit I’m even a little flattered.

My grandfather owned a Caddy back in the day. It was stolen from in front of his house in Queens Village one night in the mid 70s. Oh, don’t worry GM— the story has a happy ending. Seems it was boosted by some kids for a relatively painless joyride. The nice officer who wrapped up the case was even kind enough to show me how the car had been hotwired.

But I regret to say, it’s not going to happen.

So that money you spent on licensing The Pogues’ Sunnyside of the Street didn’t quite close this particular sale.

However, I do give you points for choosing to highlight the following lyrics in your TV spot:

“And I saw that train, and I got on it
With a heartful of hate and a lust for vomit...”

Mad love,
sliced tongue